right now . .as i sit in the dark, with no glasses. . trying to "center" my attention to this laptop screen, im doing a l o t of thinking. like this week, its been a struggle. with me staying afterschool for the different clubs im in, and to misplacing my AP bio book& notebook. . which i still CANT find =[ .. like i dont know. schools already on my shoulders, with me learning i got a C in like the easiest math class you can take . .. and me misplacing mostly everything. but did i misplace my mind? i know i might act crazy, but seriously, people need to see that i am one smart person and sorry. . im not a robot, but i do have feelings. im still tryna figure out things in life, im young, 16, and still learning. hoping that everything is done, but its not. sometimes i cant take the stress of pleasing and just break down and cry. people always think im "tough" but im really not. im like the most emotional person you could ever meet. some "people" dont know THAT side of me, which is pretty sad, but i want to keep it that way.
go ahead and talk behind my backs ladies and gents. . i understand that you might not like me, or we might not be friends, but its all whatever to me. how much you wanna bet im not gonna talk to all the people i talk to now. it's like the people of the world are a trending topic on twitter, because they are there. . then they disappear out of no where . i know that i'll keep talking to bout a handful after that 2011 date, thats about it. its "highschool" the best four years of a persons life. . that's why im getting involved in my school, holding officer positions and joining clubs. . creating memories for me, my class, and everyone else in the school building. this year, i have NO time for drama. so if it ever happens. . im not gonna waste my time on you with that arguing, im just gonna let it go and keep moving. i look at you in the hall and keep it moving. i make my speech infront of you and keep it moving. one day. . count my money and success infront of you and keep it moving. so as i said, go ahead and talk behind my back. ..
in what i do. all i do. all i need is support. family, academics, social clubs, d r e a m s. . i need support. no complaining. . support.
when i try to tell people something, and they seem just to not care. . i back down .. and think to myself .. " is what i have to say is important? " or " whats the point of telling someone something if they wont listen? " like whats the point, if we're supposed to be close then whats the point of me explaining myself to you all the time if you dont understand? like knowing that someone like you. . doesnt care or show interest . . hurts deep down inside. if you dont care bout nothing, or dont wanna "worry bout nothing no more" then dont. and just leave me alone. because youre practicly putting out there you dont care what i have to say. or care what goes on in my heart. friendship, relationship, whatever. . its all ONE huge thing.
if you tell someone to stop doing something. . isnt it the right thing to do to stop? like if i was scratching my plate at the table. . and you tell me "can you please stop" .. you would right? if i would to tell you i didnt like something. . you wouldnt do it ... right? wrong. people do what they want all the time, not thinking what the effects on someones feelings are . i know everyone cant make "everyone" happy, but at least TRY to . i tell you to say "later" then "bye" because "bye" is a feeling that im never going to talk to you again. . there are reasons why i tell you things.
if you dont want to deal with me, just let me know. stop beating around the bush with everything in yur life, take your words and say whats real. nothings really gonna get solved with that. if you enjoy "beating around the bush" .. i suggest your career choice to be in government because thats all they do there. . you keep walking away from the problems. . and the person will also walk away from you.
there are times when people say "goodbye" to fast, friendship wise. do you ever think that it might be worth talking bout how you feel to someone? then if it's not .. say "goodbye". the past hurts people a l o t. so if you're going to leave a grudge on someone because of someones opinion then let it be when im floating and dancing on my feet, and youre standing there looking at me with frustration that im happy, thats clearly not my fault. its your fault for not understanding different people have opinions on certain things. the foot prints in the past are deeper then the ones youll make in the future. .
i have to remember that everyone doesnt like me. but im supposed to like myself before anyone else. so sometimes i tell myself, "i love you meika" bcuz i dont get it enough or im even to mad to think im loved by anyone. you can be my friend and say " i love you meika, as a friend " . . when my friends [girls] tell me that. . it makes me feel loved. like i impacted someones life with a friendship. my parents tell me they love me. . all the time. my pets tell me also *throws a haha in there* too .. but its just the fact people dont show it as much as they should, or appreciate anything someone does for them. .
the best thing to do for me,
to get my thoughts out is write. .
sorry if it's long, but its how i feel.
it kinda got emotional too. its whats in my mind.
two of the bolded and italics in black
letters are MY quotes, if you like em, quote me.
to get my thoughts out is write. .
sorry if it's long, but its how i feel.
it kinda got emotional too. its whats in my mind.
two of the bolded and italics in black
letters are MY quotes, if you like em, quote me.
loveeMEIKA =]
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